SAHW Fears: How my grandmother's experience encouraged me to get a formal education

My grandmother grew up in a time and place where you simply did not get divorced. Ever. She also grew up on a farm in the middle of nowhere and attended a one room schoolhouse that only went to 8th grade. There was a high school, but it was in town and she would have had to stay with somebody there during the week. Her father did not think that girls needed to be educated in anything but homemaking, since their husband would take care of them. She wanted to go to high school, but instead married at age 15 to a man who owned a neighboring farm. She did not know at the time she married him that he was an alcoholic, and that he would beat her. She did not know that her family would tell her to go home and stop doing whatever it was she was doing to make him beat her and to drink. She did not know that the church would blame her for the abuse, or that the neighbors would think that you can't interfere with a marriage for any reason.

When she was 35, she decided that she had been a punching bag for long enough, thank you, and that she would rather live in the gutter than continue to be abused by her husband. She left him, taking with her the clothes on her back and the car that her brother gave her shortly before he died of lockjaw (hunting accident- the bullet that grazed him did not hurt him, but the resulting tetanus in a time when people did not really vaccinate against such things killed him.) Her town shunned her. She lived in an extremely small town in Oklahoma and a divorced person, especially a woman, no matter what the reason, was unworthy. So she got in her late brother's car and drove to Texas, where she lived in poverty, cleaning hotel rooms. It was better than the situation she left, so she was not unhappy.

A few years later, she met and married my mother's father. She stayed home with my mother and was quite content to be home with her only child! Her new husband treated her very well, and she was happy to know that she was finally taken care of. Her poverty days were over. She was not rich by any means, but not struggling the way that she was before, and was happy.

When my mother was 7 years old, her new husband died suddenly of a heart attack. She used his insurance money to buy small house, so that no matter what happened, she and my mother had a place to live. And since she had not formal education, and daycare was not widely avaliable in small town Texas in the '50's, and her family lived in Oklahoma, she worked as a maid in richer people's homes. She was able to set her hours in a way that my mother had her mom home (most the time) when she got home from school. Social Security at this time was more generous to widows, so she had a little money from that. She also made things like pies and caramel corn and sold them. She and my mother worse castoffs from the people she cleaned for, and what she did not get in that way, she made. Secondhand stores were not really around in the 50's and 60's in small town Texas, so there were not many affordable options. She and my mother shared a bed. My mother got a job when she was 14 to help with expenses. They were not homeless or starving, but they were very poor.

My grandmother made it her goal to get my mother to graduate high school, because she thought that education was the ticket to freedom. My mother not only graduated from high school, she went to college and graduate school. In turn, she never presented college as a choice for my sister and I. You went to college, the end. My grandmother made it a point to push education, and I think she would have haunted me if I had dropped out of college. She said that you must never, ever depend on anybody else to provide a living for you. You must always be prepared to do it yourself, without much support, if you had to.

My mother was a SAHW and a SAHM, and she still has not worked more than part time since I was born 27 years ago. But because my grandmother pounded that message into her, she kept her credentials up (very important, esp. if you are leaving a carer like nursing, accounting, teaching...anything that requires a special license) and did both paid and volunteer work, so she would be ready if she ever needed it. My grandmother did not have that choice in the time in place where she lived, but she realized how important it was when she did not have either education or experience, and was left alone to depend on herself twice in her life. My mother was able to learn from the harshness my grandmother endured.

My grandmother inspires me, even though she is not with us anymore. If you had to walk out the door tomorrow with nothing but your clothes and a car, what would you do? What kind of jobs would you realistically qualify for? Do you have credentials that you are letting slide? Are you three credits away from your degree? (Note: I am not saying that college is the only way to success. It was just very emphasized in my family.) Do you do volunteer work, or work part time, even if it is five hours a month? (One SAHM I know is a physical therapist five hours a month.) It is important to keep in mind some things to have on your resume, just in case you need it. They don't have to be glamorous or even paid positions, but you won't be able to step into a non minimum wage benefits included job very easily with a blank piece of paper! Be creative, be truthful, and be prepared!

Next Week: Have Something In Your Own Name