Working

Working outside the home has taken a toll on me, my husband, and my home. It's not that I did not expect it- I did. It's just interesting to see just how much it takes out of me and the differences in my home and family when I do work. I'm tired all the time. I'm much less patient. I feel brain dead- I really just don't feel like I *think* as much, and I miss that thoughtful, creative me. My husband has been very busy at work the past few weeks, and is putting his finishing touches on this Master's thesis presentation. Usually I'd do my best to be as helpful as I could, have special snacks, proofread his stuff, etc. I still do those things, but it is not in the same way that I would do them when I did not work. It's hard to explain, but it's there. My job, while not a terribly difficult job, is exhausting. Plus, since it is busy season, we are expected to do a lot of overtime and work on Saturdays. This job has reminded me of why I hate to work outside the home, reminds me of why I loved having my extremely flexible grad school years, my flexible substitute teaching job. I am just not wired to sit at a desk for 40+ hours a week, doing stuff for somebody else, working when and how somebody else tells me to .

To to me, it's more than the idea of women working outside the home- it's an issue of what the workplace expects of employees. Frankly, I think they expect to much.

To me, my job is something I can do so I can afford to live. I do my job well when I'm at work, but ultimately it's something that I do for money. It is not my life. Unfortunately, it seems that most of the places I have been employed except the job to be your life. It is never considered that something outside of work is more important to the employee than the job. Overtime is a way of life for many people. Being sick is not "allowed" is many corporate cultures, so people drag themselves in looking like they're ready to keel over right at their desk. Breaks are discouraged, lunches are eaten at the desk, and e-mail is checked constantly, even after an employee has left for the day. This leaves little time for recharging. No wonder everybody is so stressed out, so cranky, so overwhelmed. Having this job is reminding me exactly WHY I wanted to leave the workforce in the first place. My husband likes his job, and his employer is fairly sane about hours and time off and sick days, but we both want to be able to say NO to this insanity as soon as humanly possible. By spending this time working like I am, we will pay off our house/student loan much faster. Plus it is encouraging me to pursue things that I've wanted to do, but have been too afraid to pursue, like freelance writing. It's not working that I'm against, it's how the work culture is operating at this time.