Many of the backlash comments center around three particular issues:
- the amount of money she has allotted him: $35/ week for food for himself alone.
- The concern is that he will not be able to buy enough milk for a growing boy on that budget.
- The argument that, since she is the mother, it is her job to provide food for her son and he should not have to worry about a budget at his young age.
It is not my series, but I have done quite a bit of thinking about issues such as these, especially surrounding the issues of children/teens learning to live within a budget. Some people seem to think we expect to much. I think we expect too little.
I am not saying that a teenager should know *everything* about the family budget, but I think it is reasonable for them to learn that money is finite, and that groceries cost money. Unless she lives in Manhattan or LA, I think that $35 dollars for food alone is more than adequate- but he will have to learn to live within a budget.
Will he have to make hard choices? Of course- he can buy an extra gallon of milk or he can get something else that he wants. Or he can learn to look or markdowns, eat cheaper things for calcium, or learn to coupon to get other food at a fraction of the price. I commend her for showing him these things now, and giving him freedom to make mistakes at this young age. These are choices that he will someday have to make anyway, and it is far better to learn how to do these things while he is young and has people to fall back on, to ask for advice, to hold his hand through the process.
He will make mistakes. He will run out of milk. But he will also learn how to stretch that $35 dollars, what food keeps him full longer, what apples are the best deal. He can get Brand X chips for less than Brand Y. He will think twice before spending $10 on soda and drinking it in one day. This is such a gift that she is giving him. These are lessons that he will have for his whole life, and he's learning them with her help. Many people are not taught these things by their parents and have to learn it the hard way.
I realize that I am not a parent and that it is harder than I can even imagine. But my mother and father (who, clearly, are parents) have discussed their parenting philosophy with me as I've gotten older. Although they are well off, they have told my sister and I not to expect an inheritance. According to them, my inheritance is my education- both what I learned at home and my formal education. A small list of my inheritance (should I choose to use it) includes:
- being raised frugal, taught about money, shown how to use coupons, make menus, plan.
- being taught to cook from scratch, and that cooking from scratch every day was a normal thing that was not difficult. That may not sound like a huge thing, but I stunned (STUNNED) one of my college roommates by making popcorn on the stove. She about fainted the first time I made a pizza crust. She said she grew up on Tuna Helper and Minute Rice.
- Being taught the difference between "want" and "need." This is a lesson that is lost on many people. I want a lot of things, but I need very little. Wants are nice to have. I can have them when my needs are covered and I have extra to spare.
- Being taught that saving is normal and that credit card debt is not normal. Saving was a given, and I did not even get a credit card until my junior year in college. Frankly, it never even occured to me to not pay any balance I had in full, because debt was bad and I bought only want I needed, got creative, or did without. I usually used cash or wrote a check. I almost never used my card in college.)
- My formal education. They saved and invested so I could do to school debt free. I had to pay for my books and fees. They also put a time limit on it- after four years I was cut off. I finished my degree in four years. My Master's was on my own, which I did without taking out a single loan. While college is not everything, having a degree does open doors.
- They had us pay for our extras, with the philosophy that "If you want it enough, you will find a way." We sure did- paying for my choir trip to NYC when I was 16 helped me realize how many things are possible!
- They taught us that you can go broke on bargains! That ShinyThing may only be a $1, marked down from a million, but if you don't have that $1, it is not a bargain.
There are many other things that they did to help me become a the self-sufficient adult I am today. They made mistakes, and I made mistakes, but they did their best. When you have a child, you are training him or her to leave you and live on their own. I don't think it is a good idea to suddenly spring adulthood on a person when they turn 18. Fourteen is young to be doing your own shopping, but it is a great lesson to learn. She is giving him his inheritance now, and can be confident that he will be taken care of long after she is gone, because she has taught him to take care of himself.
7 comments:
I absolutely agree with you. The reason debt is such a terrible problem in this country is because too many people have never been taught how to manage money! At age 5, my daughter already knows that if she wants a toy, or some other unessential item, and it's not a birthday or Christmas, she'd better start saving her 50 cents per week allowance.
I have several things to say, so I'll try to keep it short:
1. Having read the comments, some people seem to think that she's throwing him out of the house with $35/week and letting him starve the rest of the time. The time to learn these lessons is NOW, when he has a safety cushion, instead of on his own, because guess what: he'll have to learn this lesson in four short years anyway!
2. I do actually think $35 is far too low, but I live in a much more expensive area of the country, and I am not a teetotaler, so alcohol is part of my budget. I assume he is. :)
3. Not to sound too anti-America, but in very few countries in the world is there even $35 a week for groceries for the whole family. America is almost unique in the fact that we can afford to get fat. At what point did we start to assume that we should be able to eat as much as we want, forever, and that grocery budgets should be bottomless?
They're not. We're not bottomless, our stomachs aren't bottomless, and neither are our wallets. I am also not a parent, but I see nothing wrong with the idea.
Thanks for the comments!
I think the $35/ week is plenty since he's just buying food alone, but you have to remember that I live in Kansas, where to cost of living is awesome. Our budget is $50/ week, and I usually spend less than that, including laundry detergent, paper products, etc. I feed myself and two adult males. :)
But whatever amount she gives him, I think it is a great lesson!
See! I told you that you'd be a great mom!
I think the budget for the son is a great idea (except- do they ever eat meals together?).
It is actually EASIER to do everything for your kids- it's the path of least resistence. However, it's also a way of crippling them.
Thanks for those links. That was some interesting reading! I think $35 is more than sufficient for a teenage boy to feed himself for a week. It's a great lesson he's learning, too! When he heads off to college, he won't dig himself into a hole just through fast food and pizza runs like so many boys do. He's learning budgeting and how to buy good food to feed himself.
I think that giving the boy a food budget is an excellent idea. And $35 is more than reasonable. That's usually more than I spend per week to feed my husband and myself, and we live in an area that is between NYC and LA in expense.
If Harper lives in a neck of the woods similar to mine in expense, then she's schooling me. Darn you, Harper! :) I work hard to stay under my grocery budget of $200 per month, and I am just feeding...me. And I'm a size 8, so although I may overindulge occasionally, I know I'm not inflating my grocery budget while stuffing myself. Harper has given me a new challenge.
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